haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
