??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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