I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
