An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
