Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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