I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
