Don't make out with my wife yet
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
