you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
