then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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