i jhust puked up my retainher.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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