my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
