Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
