This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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