doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
