i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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