he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
