I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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