I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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