My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
