I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
