I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
