The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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