i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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