When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
