You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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