whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
do herpes really smell.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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