And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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