i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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