i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
