i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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