his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
