I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
