New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
3 2 1 whiskey
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
