wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize