I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Actions speak louder than pants.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
