The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
