First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
