Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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