ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
