I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
