I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
