I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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