I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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