this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
