shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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