At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
