no. you can't hotbox the world.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
