i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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