Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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