They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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