I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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