i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
