im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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