she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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