Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
