my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
