Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
