Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
