you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
