the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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