And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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