I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
