i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
