OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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